Recently, I was speaking with a sister.
She was telling me about what she has been going through. She was showing me around, narrating her experience, and you could hear it in her voice – the exhaustion, the hurt, and how hard she is trying to hold things together.
At one point she said something that stayed with me.
She said, “I know you said we should always look for something good, but it doesn’t look as though there is anything good.”
And honestly, that hit me.
Because I understand exactly what she meant.
Sometimes things are just so overwhelming that you genuinely cannot see anything good. Everything feels heavy. Everything feels stacked against you. In those moments, “look for the good” can sound like empty advice.
But here’s the thing I have learned – not from theory, but from living through difficult seasons.
There is always something there.
Not always something big. Not always something obvious. But something.
If you look for it, you will find it.
Sometimes the good thing is simply that something bad happened to someone else and you narrowly missed it. You left your house two minutes later than usual and unknowingly avoided something terrible. I’ve experienced that kind of thing more than once.
Sometimes the good thing is much smaller.
A random day where someone says thank you because you helped them with something simple.
You tell someone their bag is open.
You help someone zip something at the back.
You show someone how to fix a problem they were struggling with.
Or you pay for something.
Even something as ordinary as paying for something is a good thing. It means you had the money to pay. It means you had the option. And having options is a blessing many people don’t realize they have.
But here’s what I’ve also noticed.
If you look for bad things, you will see more bad things.
Your mind will keep collecting evidence that life is unfair, difficult, impossible. And sometimes the situation truly is difficult. But focusing all your energy there doesn’t actually change anything.
Some situations are simply beyond your control.
If you are earning ₦150,000 and your unavoidable expenses are ₦300,000, that reality is beyond your control in that moment. There are only two directions you can take: find a way to earn more money, or find a way to reduce some expenses.
There is no third option.
But sitting inside the frustration of that gap will only keep reminding you of everything you don’t have.
What helps more is something else: intentional focus.
Be aware of what is wrong – yes. Ignoring problems doesn’t help anyone.
But alongside that awareness, start intentionally looking for good things. Even better, start intentionally creating good things for yourself and for the people around you.
Notice when something works.
Notice when someone helps you.
Notice when you have the chance to help someone else.
Sometimes the good thing is simply sharing your experience with someone: “When this happened to me, this was what I did, and this was the result I got.” Not forcing your way on them, just offering what you’ve seen and learned. Maybe they take something from it, maybe they approach the situation a little differently, and maybe that gets them closer to the result they want.
You’d be surprised how many good things begin to happen when you start putting that kind of energy into the world.
Because what you throw out is often what finds its way back.
If you ask life for courage, life will not hand you courage wrapped in a ribbon. Instead, it will give you situations where you must be courageous.
If you ask for patience, you will be placed in situations that require patience.
It feels like a test sometimes.
Maybe it is.
But one belief that has stayed with me is this: you are rarely given more than you can actually handle. In the moment it may feel unbearable, but somewhere inside you there is capacity you haven’t fully seen yet.
And sometimes the first step to discovering that capacity is simply this:
Looking for the good – even when it’s hard to see.